Halo Randomness
by darksithlord123
Summary: Just something I have had on my mind for a while. More coming! My first Fic so don't attack me andor kill me. Chapter 7 up! Chapter 8 coming soon!
1. Level 1

Random stuff for Level 1

_Navy Tech_: Okay, let's thaw him out.

_Navy Tech2_:Mommy, I'm scared.

(other Navy Tech looks at him with a puzzled look)

_Navy Tech_:I don't understand why you're scared, he's only 2 meters tall and could crush every single bone in your body with...his...little...finger...I'm glad I'm up here and you're down there.

_Navy Tech2_:Gee, thanks for the support!

_Navy Tech_:YOU'RE NOT GRATEFUL!(runs out of the room crying but almost alerts a group of elites to his being there but ends up going back)I still don't forgive you.

_Navy Tech2_:I'll live.Let's just get this guy out.

(they open the cryo tube and find the M.C.is frozen in a block of ice)

_Navy Tech_:Can we get a couple of flame throwers in here?

(M.C.gets unfrozen and goes through the BORING instructional thing)

_Keyes over intercom with party noises in the backround_:Get the Cheif up here whenever you want to, we'll keep the party going until you get here.

_Navy Tech2_:Why are you partying at a time like this?

_Keyes_:...Just get him up here.

_Navy Tech2_:But Captain, how am I going to do that?I'm going to die when I try to get through that second door.

_Keyes_:On the double crewman! And stop giving away the story line!(cuts off the intercom to go back to his party)

_Navy Tech2_:(imitating Keyes)On the double crewman!And stop giving away the story line!

(Navy Tech gets shot apparently out of nowhere)

_Navy Tech2_:Come on, we gotta get the BLEEP outta here!

_M.C._:What are we on, the Jerry Springer show?

(a group of people are sitting by watching this and then start chanting JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY)

_M.C._:I'll stand by what I said before.

(M.C. follows the Navy Tech2 out the door and true to his word,the Navy Tech2 dies)

_M.C._:Awww man, I wanted to kill him.

(M.C. proceeds to the Bridge to find that every one is dead.He then spots a piece of cake and takes his helmet off to eat it.Once he does he looks at all the dead bodies and cries like a little baby.When he turns to leave he stays there a few minutes with his back turned to his allies.

(Keyes sneaks up on the M.C.)

_Keyes_:APRIL FOOL'S!

_M.C._:...I hate you...

_Keyes_:You should have seen the look on your face!HA HA HA!The mighty Master Cheif,Spartan-117,last of the Spartans,last chance to save Earth,crying like a wittle baby!

_M.C._Okay, first of all, I am not the last spartan, haven't you read the novels?Second of all, I was not crying like a little baby,I was crying like a _big_ baby.Third of all, it's May.

_Keyes_:STOP GIVING AWAY THE STORY LINE!

_M.C..._sniff...don't yell...sniff...at me!

_Keyes_ Ooooookay then... well anyway, blah blah Cortana blah blah blah off ship blah blah. Understand?

_M.C._Wow..that might take a while.

(Keyes gives M.C. a pistol)

_Keyes_ I don't keep it loaded, Cheif, you'll have to find ammo as you go.

(M.C. shoots Keyes in the head)

_M.C._ NOT LOADED MY BLEEP!

(JERRY JERRY JERRY!)

_Cortana_ Security to the bridge! the Cheif has gone rampant! Take him out!

_M.C._Screw this.

(M.C. goes through the rest of the level with the marines following and shooting him. When he finally gets to the lifeboat the marines just give up and leave.)

_M.C._I don't want to listen to your jabbering Cortana, so I'll just say that I'd rather stand.

(Rest of the cutscene goes on until loading screen)


	2. Level 2

(Life boat comes in a _little_ to fast and hit the ground. Yet, somehow, everyone survives.)

_M.C._Aren't you all sopposed to be dead?

_All marines and pilot_Don't jinx it!

_M.C..._sniff...Don't yell...sniff...at me!

(M.C. takes off his glove and slaps everyone in the face kinda like in the cartoons. M.C. finishes and looks down at his hand...)

_M.C._Oh...my...god...i broke...a nail.Somebody is going to pay for this.

(M.C. looks at the pilot)

_M.C._YOU!

_Pilot_Oh no.

_M.C._If I had a gun I would shoot you.

_Marine1_Uh..Cheif...here ya go.

(Marine1 hands M.C. a pistol)

_M.C._AHHHHHHH HE'S GOT A GUN EVERYONE RUN FOR IT!Oh...your giving it to me...riiiiiiight...I knew that...I was just testing you all to see how you would react.

_Marine2_I'm sure you did Cheif.

_M.C._You're going to regret that.

(M.C. then shoots everyone in the head and proceeds to where Johnson and the rest of the marines are)

_Cortana_I'm reading a life boat beacon over the next hill.

_M.C._...And your point is?

_Johnson_We could use your help,Cheif.

_M.C._Oh...so you're just using me?...sniff...NOBODY LIKES ME!

_Johnson_Sure,why not?

(M.C. tries to strangle Johnson)

_M.C._I hate you and all that you stand for.I also hate your invincibility.

_Johnson_Thank you.

_M.C._...You're...welcome?

_Johnson_Well anyway, before you showed up, I thought we were cooked.

_M.C._I like mine medium rare.

_Johnson_Wha-

_Cortana_We have multiple Covenant Dropships inbound.

_M.C._What are the Covenant?

_Cortana_...They are what we have been fighting for more than 20 years.

_M.C._I thought that it has just been a really long Halloween.

_Cortana_Just go and kill those wimpy aliens.

(M.C. turns to Johnson)

_M.C._Daddy, mommy said it is ok, can I, huh huh,can I?Don't make me do the puppy dog eyes.

_Johnson_What in the world has gotten into you today?

_M.C._...Can I?Pretty please with a cherry on top?

_Johnson_Oh you have got to be kidding me.

_M.C._DADDY!CAN I PLEASE GO KILL THEM ALL?

_Johnson_Oh lord, strike me down right now!

_M.C. _I wanna!

_Johnson_Please don't.

_M.C._Do you have any grenades?

_Johnson_No.

_M.C._...sniff...No boom-boom?

_Johnson_No boom-boom.

_M.C._ME WANT BOOM-BOOM!

**(A/N Well that's the end of that chapter.Next,is the Covenant ship thingy)**


	3. Level 3

**(Thancks for all the reviews I have so far.I have two that are saying that you can't use script format.Anyone that agrees or disagrees please tell me)**

(Pelican Dropship going into Covenant area to drop off troops)

_M.C._This ship is kinda fun.WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Marines stare at M.C. like he is an idiot.Which he is.)

_M.C._Oh,I'm sorry.How loud did I say that exactly?

_Johnson_I will just say that there are one or two people down on Earth that didn't here that.

_M.C._So I basicly ruined my reputation with that one, didn't I?

_Johnson_Yeah,pretty much.

_M.C._Let's just get down there so I can kill some of those funny little orange and red midgets with the really bad alien costumes.

_Johnson_Wha-

_Cortana_As long as they get dead, does it matter what he thinks they are?

_Johnson..._I guess not.

_M.C._(going on about how much he likes to kill things)

_Johnson_Are you going to start killing them or what?

_M.C._Or what is a good question.

_Johnson_...I think your helmet is cutting the blood off to your somewhat small brain.

_M.C._Thank you.

_Johnson_Just kill them already!

_M.C..._sniff...

_Johnson_Oh no not this again.

_M.C._...sniff...Don't yell at me!But, since I want to kill something I'll let that one go.

_Johnson_Will you please kill them?

_M.C._Ok.(looks at the looooooooong barrel of his sniper rifle)Sweeeeeeeet.Beating stick.

(M.C. tears off the barrel of his sniper rifle and starts hitting the so-called_ midgets with it)_

_M.C._MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA nobody can stop me now.

_Johnson_Nice evil laugh you have going on there.

_M.C._Thanks...WAITAMINUTE!You calling me evil?

_Johnson_I do not like where this is going!

(M.C. throws Johnson over the side of the cliff but he comes back to life two seconds later and the M.C. throws him over again and that continues for about three hours.M.C.gets a new idea and kills the rest of the marines and steals all of their equiptment.)

_M.C._(Looks down at everything he got.He sees four grenades...)BOOM-BOOMS!

_Johnson_Oh crap!

(M.C. starts blowing the crap out of Johnson until he is out of grenades.)

_M.C._No more boom-booms?

_Johnson_Oh thank god!

_M.C.(_Looks over at a certain place on the ground and finds...)PLASMA BOOM-BOOMS!

_Johnson_I am really starting to hate my life!

(Johnson jumps over the ledge and dies but comes back again and tries again and again and again.See the pattern here?Now imagine that going on for about four hours.Now fast foward to where M.C. finds Keyes)

_Keyes_Coming here was reckless,ah who am I kidding?THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME!THEY WERE MAKING ME WATCH BARNEY THE PURPLE DINOSUAR!

_M.C._THOSE FIENDS!I WOULDN'T MAKE ANYBODY WATCH THAT!THAT IS PURE TORTURE!I AM GOING TO GET NIGHTMARES JUST THINKING ABOUT THAT!YOU BRAVE SOUL!

_Keyes_...sniff...give me a minute...

_M.C._Okay,but after that,we gotta get out of here!


	4. Level 4

**(A/N: Thanks for all the reviews!From all that I have I can tell that you are not allowed to use script format.So I'll try a normal format.Sir Goofa,I actually am sorry that the M.C. keeps crying but that makes it funny right?Still,I'll welcome reviews that tell me if you are allowed to use script format.Now that I think about it, I'll welcome any reveiws.)**

Two pelicans flying to an island.The pelicans are about thirty feet above the water.The M.C. is looking around nervously.

"I hope I don't fall out..." he said.

"Who cares if you do fall out?You'll just land in water!"said Johnson.

"You make a forceful arguement."M.C. said.

"I am just going to babble on about the map we use to find the control room while you try to think of a way to kill me."Cortana said.

"You got that right!"said Johnson.

The pelicans hover not even one foot above the sand.

"Wow...Long way down."said M.C.

"Just shut up and get out so we can kill some of those...uh..._midgets_."said Johnson.

"YAY!"said M.C.

"Touchdown!Hit it Marines!"said the pilot.

"Touchdown?Does that mean the Broncos win?Oh well."

The M.C. starts shooting blindly hitting Covenant and Marines alike.When all the Covenant are dead, the Marines run in fear from the M.C.

"Nobody likes me!"said M.C.

"If some body shot you, would you still like them?"Johnson asked.

"Well...yeah because I have enrgy sheilds and I wouldn't get hurt."said M.C.

"...I was trying to get a point across, here.Man, you _are_ hopeless!"Johnson said.

"Thank you, I get that a lot."said M.C.

"I bet you do!"said Johnson

"Area secure.All hostiles have been eliminated"said a Marine.

"No I haven't been eliminated!"said M.C.

"Riiiiiiiiiight.Anyway, affirmitive, Echo 419 inbound. Somebody order a warthog?"said Foehammer.

"I didn't know you made house-calls Foehammer"said a random Marine.

"You know our motto, we deliver"said Foehammer.

"WARTHOG?I ORDERED THE MEAT LOVER'S PIZZA!"said M.C.

"Whatever!"said Johnson.

The M.C., losing hope, looked in the driver's seat.

"PIZZA!"said M.C.

"We might be here a while"said Johnson.

The M.C. ate all of the pizza and slept off the tummy ache he got.

(Some hours later)The M.C. wakes up.

"YAWN...Well, let's get to work!"said the M.C.

"Finaly!"said Johnson.

The M.C. and two Marines get in the warthog.Cut to scene where M.C. and Cortana find out where the control room is.

"Oh, it was there all along and we didn't know it?"said the M.C.

"Yup."said Cortana

"I knew we were stupid but not that stupid!"said M.C.

**(A/N: I know, it sucked)**


	5. Level 5

A pelican is flying in the underground place and scares the living crap out of a..._midget..._who then runs headfirst into a wall.The M.C. then gets out of the pelican and kills the grunt-I mean _midget_.

"Well, that was surprisingly easy!"said M.C.

"They _are_ just grunts,"said Cortana.

"Who gave you permission to talk?"said the Cheif.

"...You just did."said Cortana.

"I did?"asked the Cheif.

"No you moron! And since when do I need permission to talk?"asked Cortana.

"CURSE YOU AND YOUR EVIL WAYS!Oh, yeah and you _do _need permission to talk now."said M.C.

He pulls out a paper that says "_Since Cortana is just an unimpotant piece of the story line and she always tells you to do something, and when you are stupid to do what she says, you end up dead.So henceforth Cortana is not allowed to speak unless given permission._

"I don't think-"said Cortana.

"SHUT UP!"interupted the M.C.

The M.C. spots a turret.

"Tur-turr-turr-turret!"said the Cheif

"Oh n-"said Cortana.

"SHUT UP!GOOD GOD, CORTANA, CAN YOU NOT READ?"yelled M.C.

The M.C. starts mowing down Covenant with the turret.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"said the M.C.

Hundreds of rounds later, the M.C. decides to give up the turret.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"he yelled for apparently no reason.

The M.C. goes to the first bridge.

"You can speak now Cortana"said the Cheif.

"Finaly, that was killing me to keep my mouth shut!Well any way the weather pattern here seems natural not artificial, I wonder if the ring's weather systems are broken or if the desighners _wanted_ the instllation tohave weather like this."blabbered Cortana.

The M.C. didn't hear a word she just said.

"How come nobody told me that I could get Internet access in my helmet?"asked the Cheif.

"You can?" asked Cortana.

"Yeah,look!"said the Cheif.

"Wow, you actually can!"exclaimed Cortana.

Several hours later.

"Well let's get this level over with."M.C.said.

Skip to part where you get tank.

"TANK! TANK GOT BIG BOOM-BOOM GUN!"yelled the M.C.

The M.C. goes on a killing spree up until the part where you have to get out of the tank.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO LEAVE THE TANK?OH, GOD, WHYYY?I DON'T WANNA LEAVE MY PRECIOUS TANK!IS THIS MY CRURL PUNISHMENT FOR ALL OF THE PEOPLE I HAVE KILLED?"yelled the Cheif to nobody in particular.

"It is just a tank."said Cortana

"No...she is more than a tank...You just are jealous that I have someone to care for and you don't!"said the Cheif.

"Of all the heads I could have ended up in, I just happen to end up with him!"Cortana said to herself.

"Yeah, aren't you lucky?"said M.C.

"If by lucky you mean unfortunate, than yes, I am very lucky."said Cortana

The M.C. proceeds to the control room and puts Cortana into the supercomputer thing.

"Remind me again why I left the tank."said the Cheif.

"Because you had to," said Cortana.

"Will I get another one?"asked the Cheif.

"No," replied Cortana.

"Why not?"asked the Cheif.

"Becsuse the people who made this game suck when it comes to tanks."answered Cortana.

"Screw this, I'm going back to my tank!"said the M.C. and left.

"Come back!"said Cortana.

The M.C. comes back and stands in front of Cortana.

"Why?"asked the Cheif.

"I still have a lot of babbling to get out!"said Cortana.

"And I don't want to here it because I want to get back to my tank!"said M.C.

"You will listen to what I have to say and you will like it."said Cortana.

**(A/N:Well what do you think?)**


	6. Level 6

**(Sorry I haven't updated in a while,school csaps and all that crap.The song is Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N Roses. If you want it ask and I'll give you the link to download it for free on Windows Media Player.)**

A Pelican is flying over a swamp area looking for a place to land.

"Screw this, I'll just jump,"the Cheif said.

"What?We're about one hundred feet in the freaking air!"said Foehammer.

"Well now...that might hurt,"said the Cheif.

The Cheif jumps anyway.

"Ok now, the parachute can open any time now..."said the Cheif.

"There is no parachute in your armor,"said Cortana.

"Cortana?What are you doing here?I left you in the freakin' control room!" said the Cheif.

"While I was there, I found a way to activate halo and I was tempted to kill all of you idiots,"explained Cortana.

"Oh,"said the Cheif.

"...I just insulted you by calling you an idiot."said Cortana.

"Eh...you get used to it after a while"said the Cheif.

"Dang...How long does it take to fall on hundred feet?"asked Cortana.

"I don't-"started the Cheif, before...

**splat!** Then a start menu comes up and Revert to saved is highlited and chosen. The Cheif is sitting back in the pelican.

"Well now...that might hurt. Hang on... didn't we already do this?"asked the Cheif.

"It does seem like deja vu,"said Cortana.

"Whoever is playing this game is messing with us,"said Foehammer.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA"came the mysterious laughter from me.

"Are you done yet?"asked Cortana.

"...No.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...AAHAHAHAHAHA."I laughed."ok, done now."

"Thank you,"said Cortana.

Cut to scene where the Cheif watches the video.

What Jenkins saw:

A pelican is flying to the drop zone. The speakers are blaring:

**Welcome to the jungle  
We've got fun 'n' games  
We got everything you want  
Honey we know the names  
We are the people that can find  
Whatever you may need  
If you got the money honey  
We got your disease**

In the jungle  
Welcome to the jungle  
Watch it bring you to your  
knees knees  
I wanna watch you bleed

Welcome to the jungle  
We take it day by day  
If you want it you're gonna bleed  
But it's the price you pay  
And you're a very sexy girl  
That's very hard to please  
You can taste the bright lights  
But you won't get them for free  
In the jungle  
Welcome to the jungle  
Feel my, my, my serpentine  
I, I wanna hear you scream

"Okay, we're on the ground you can get out now,"said the pilot.

"Come on! I was just getting into the music!"said a marine.

Cut to part where they find the dead elite.A marine is crying his lungs out.

"Very nice...Friend of yours?"asked Keyes.

"No...We were a little more intamate than that,"said the crying marine.

"Riiiiiight, somebody kill him,"said Keyes.

The crying marine didn't hear Keyes.But did hear all the guns cocking behind him.

"Oh my god!Run away!"yelled the marine and started running away...He didn't get far.After that, the recording ends.The Cheif gets attacked by flood.

"Hang on... the big ones get back up after they fall down...how do I kill them? I know! I'll google it!" said the Cheif.

While the Cheif is busy googling he gets killed.

"Screw this I'll just play the next level tomorrow!"said the idiot playing the game.

**(A.N. I know...It sucked!)**


	7. Level 7

**(Sorry about the long waits inbetween chapters, it takes longer than u would think to get ideas without stealing from stories that u have already read. as i have already told some people, i am going to do a story like this for halo 2.)**

Here is what really happened at the end of the last level:

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKK," the Cheif screamed a **_harmless_** infection form jumped at him. Once it popped he ran to the tower outside. He started to run around it in circles.

"Come on cutscene, start," he repeated again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.

When the cutscene began the orb dude came out of nowhere.

"Hello, I am gay- I mean 34698 point 5846 Not-So-Innocent-Flash-Of-Light," the gay orb said.**(A/N Nothing against gay people!i just think 343 guilty spark is gay)**

"...Are you gay?" the Cheif asked.

"Yes, I am very happy actually," said Not-So-Innocent-Flash-Of-Light.

"...Wha...th...ffffff...ahhhhhhhhh!" the Cheif stuttered.

The Cheif suddenly felt a strange tingling sensation and ended up in the library.

"HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! That tickles!" said the cheif.

"I'm glad you are enjoying yourself, too bad you have to die," the freak-I mean orb said.

"WHAT?" the Cheif yelled.

"Uhhhhhhhh...disregard that last part." orb dude said.

"I'm not sure I like where this is going... Now you die!" the Cheif said.

The Cheif tries to shoot the orb with a shotgun, pistol, assault rifle, rocket launcher, plasma rifle, plasma pistol, sniper, needler, frag grenade, and a plasma grenade. The Cheif ends up panting.

"Are you done yet?" asked the moniter.

"Nope,"said the Cheif and pulls out a...

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhh...mmmmmyyyyyyy...ggggggggoooooooooodddddddd.Where did you get that?"asked the montier.

"MY BABY!" yelled the Cheif as he was just reunited with his tank.The Cheif starts chasing the moniter with his shiny new tank and ends up blowing him out of the sky. After which the moniter comes back out of nowhere.

"CURSE YOU AND YOUR IMMORTALITY!" yelled the Cheif

"Please refrain from shouting in the Library" said the Moniter

"...Fine...What are we doing in a Library?I'm and idiot, I can't read!" said the Cheif.

" We are here for the index, let's ask this lady right here. " said the Moniter, indicating a female flood form." Hello, do you know where the index is?" The "lady" reached under the desk and grabbed the index and handed it to the Cheif. The lady then goes to a cash register and rings up $99.99.

"WHAT? I don't have that kind of money!" the Cheif shoots the lady. "OWN3D!" The Cheif and the moniter get out of the Library as fast as they can.

**(A/N Well what do you think? Sorry it took so long. I have school, loads of home work and everything.)**


End file.
